We test a LOT of locks. Most of them are fine. Some are bad. Some are good.
And then there are these.
These are the locks that made us stop. Put down our pick tools. Stare into the middle distance. Question our life choices. Wonder if the people who designed them were okay.
They are all real. They all exist. They were all sent to us or purchased willingly. We regret several of them.
This is their story. Hold on to something solid.
And then there are these.
These are the locks that made us stop. Put down our pick tools. Stare into the middle distance. Question our life choices. Wonder if the people who designed them were okay.
They are all real. They all exist. They were all sent to us or purchased willingly. We regret several of them.
This is their story. Hold on to something solid.
🌈🔑🌀🔒✨🗝️🎨🔐💫🌈🔑🌀🔒✨🗝️🎨🔐💫🌈
⚠ ENTERING WEIRD ZONE ⚠ HOLD ON ⚠
Things may get strange from here. That's intended. Keep reading.
#01 THE WOBBLER — Brinks 173-80051
A standard-looking brass padlock. Totally normal. Unremarkable.
Until you pick it up. And it wobbles.
Not the shackle. Not the mechanism. The entire body of the lock just... wobbles. Like it's made of slightly too-soft metal. Like it's thinking about becoming liquid but hasn't committed yet.
We picked it in 14 seconds. Then we picked it again just to watch it wobble. We picked it eleven more times that day. We couldn't stop.
Until you pick it up. And it wobbles.
Not the shackle. Not the mechanism. The entire body of the lock just... wobbles. Like it's made of slightly too-soft metal. Like it's thinking about becoming liquid but hasn't committed yet.
We picked it in 14 seconds. Then we picked it again just to watch it wobble. We picked it eleven more times that day. We couldn't stop.
The wobble has no effect on security whatsoever. We tested this. We're still thinking about the wobble.
VERDICT: 🌀 THE WOBBLE IS REAL 🌀
SCORE: 3.1/10 WOBBLE SCORE: 10/10
*~🌈~*~🔑~*~🌈~*~🔒~*~🌈~*~🗝️~*~🌈~*~🔐~*~🌈~*~🔑~*~🌈~*
#02 THE DECEIVER — [Brand Withheld By Legal]
This lock looks exactly — EXACTLY — like an Abloy Protec2.
Same shape. Same colour. Same satisfying weight. Even the keyway looks similar from three feet away.
It costs $8.99 on a major retail website. The Abloy costs $180.
We put our best pick set into the real Abloy for 40 minutes. Nothing. Disc detainer locks are extraordinary.
We put a bobby pin into The Deceiver. It opened in 6 seconds.
SEE THE REAL ABLOY >>
Same shape. Same colour. Same satisfying weight. Even the keyway looks similar from three feet away.
It costs $8.99 on a major retail website. The Abloy costs $180.
We put our best pick set into the real Abloy for 40 minutes. Nothing. Disc detainer locks are extraordinary.
We put a bobby pin into The Deceiver. It opened in 6 seconds.
Someone in our testing group said "at least it looks nice" and we haven't spoken to them since.
VERDICT: 🎭 EVIL IN DISGUISE 🎭
SCORE: 0.8/10 IMPERSONATION SCORE: 9/10
SEE THE REAL ABLOY >>
🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨🌈🎨
#03 THE GIANT — Master Lock No. 6
Bigger. Must be safer. Right?
The Master Lock No. 6 is enormous. It weighs nearly a pound. It looks like something a cartoon pirate would use on a treasure chest. It inspires confidence simply by existing near you.
We shimmed it in 4 seconds.
The shim was made from an aluminium can.
An aluminium. Can.
The Master Lock No. 6 is enormous. It weighs nearly a pound. It looks like something a cartoon pirate would use on a treasure chest. It inspires confidence simply by existing near you.
We shimmed it in 4 seconds.
The shim was made from an aluminium can.
An aluminium. Can.
The No. 6 is technically rated for "outdoor use." The outdoors is full of aluminium cans. We did not point this out to the manufacturer.
VERDICT: 💪 BIG. NOT SCARY. 💪
SCORE: 2.4/10 SIZE INTIMIDATION: 9.5/10
| METHOD | TIME | TOOL USED | RATING |
|---|---|---|---|
| Shimming | 4 sec | Coke can | 💀 INSTANT |
| Raking | 22 sec | Basic rake | 💀 FAST |
| Bolt cutters | 1 cut | 12" cutters | 💀 TRIVIAL |
| Looking at it menacingly | N/A | Just eyes | Still locked |
🌀 HALFWAY THROUGH 🌀 HOW R U FEELING 🌀
The colors are normal. You are normal. Everything is completely normal.
#04 THE SCREAMER — Unnamed Smart Lock (Returned)
This smart lock had a feature we did not read about in the product description.
When the battery gets below 15%, it beeps.
Not once. Not a polite chime. It beeps every 4 minutes. For days.
It was installed on a test door in our office. We forgot about the battery. For three days we assumed the sound was coming from somewhere else in the building.
On day four at 2am it beeped directly into the face of our reviewer who was working late.
He is fine. The lock was returned.
When the battery gets below 15%, it beeps.
Not once. Not a polite chime. It beeps every 4 minutes. For days.
It was installed on a test door in our office. We forgot about the battery. For three days we assumed the sound was coming from somewhere else in the building.
On day four at 2am it beeped directly into the face of our reviewer who was working late.
He is fine. The lock was returned.
The manufacturer's website lists this as a "helpful low battery reminder." The reviewer has filed a formal complaint with the concept of helpful reminders.
VERDICT: 📣 HAUNTED. DO NOT BUY. 📣
SCORE: 4.2/10 JUMP SCARE RATING: 11/10
✨🌈✨🔑✨🌈✨🔒✨🌈✨🗝️✨🌈✨🔐✨🌈✨🔑✨🌈✨🔒✨🌈✨
#05 THE MAZE — Mul-T-Lock Interactive+
This is not a weird lock in a funny way. This is a weird lock in a deeply impressive way.
The Mul-T-Lock Interactive+ has a telescoping pin system inside a rotating element inside a secondary sidebar mechanism inside what we're fairly sure is a small portal to another dimension.
Our most experienced picker — 8 years, 300+ locks opened — sat with this one for six hours.
He did not open it.
He went home. He came back the next day. He did not open it.
On day three he opened it. He did not celebrate. He just sat quietly for a while.
BUY ON AMAZON [AFFILIATE]
The Mul-T-Lock Interactive+ has a telescoping pin system inside a rotating element inside a secondary sidebar mechanism inside what we're fairly sure is a small portal to another dimension.
Our most experienced picker — 8 years, 300+ locks opened — sat with this one for six hours.
He did not open it.
He went home. He came back the next day. He did not open it.
On day three he opened it. He did not celebrate. He just sat quietly for a while.
He later said it was "like arguing with a lock that had read more books than him." We don't fully understand what this means but we respect it.
VERDICT: 🧠 GENUINELY SCARY. BUY THIS ONE. 🧠
SCORE: 9.6/10 BRAIN DAMAGE CAUSED: MODERATE
BUY ON AMAZON [AFFILIATE]
#06 THE PARANOID — Schlage B60N with Security Plate
Technically not a bizarre lock. A perfectly sensible Grade 1 deadbolt.
But the person who sent it to us for review had added everything.
Security plate. Door reinforcement kit. Anti-kick bar. Window sensors. A sign that said "SMILE YOU'RE ON CAMERA" facing their own hallway. Two additional door chains. One of which they had welded shut.
We asked why the chain was welded. They said: "extra."
But the person who sent it to us for review had added everything.
Security plate. Door reinforcement kit. Anti-kick bar. Window sensors. A sign that said "SMILE YOU'RE ON CAMERA" facing their own hallway. Two additional door chains. One of which they had welded shut.
We asked why the chain was welded. They said: "extra."
The door in question opens into a spare bedroom containing a single chair and a houseplant named Gerald. We did not ask about Gerald.
VERDICT: 🔒 CORRECT ENERGY. WRONG ROOM. 🔒
SCORE: 8.1/10 PARANOIA SCORE: IMMEASURABLE
🌈 ALMOST THERE 🌈 UR DOING GREAT 🌈
The room is not spinning. That is just the website. You are stationary.
#07 THE DIVA — Abloy Protec2 CLIQ
This lock requires a battery-powered key.
Not the lock — the key.
The key has a battery. The key communicates with the lock electronically to verify it's the right key before it will turn.
Pick-resistant disc detainer cylinder. Electronic verification. Audit trail of every use. You can set it to only work during certain hours. You can revoke a key without physically having it.
It costs more than some laptops. We tested it for two weeks. We opened it zero times without the correct key. We tried everything.
Everything.
FULL REVIEW >> BUY IT (IF U CAN AFFORD IT) [AFFILIATE]
Not the lock — the key.
The key has a battery. The key communicates with the lock electronically to verify it's the right key before it will turn.
Pick-resistant disc detainer cylinder. Electronic verification. Audit trail of every use. You can set it to only work during certain hours. You can revoke a key without physically having it.
It costs more than some laptops. We tested it for two weeks. We opened it zero times without the correct key. We tried everything.
Everything.
One reviewer declared it "genuinely unfair" and had to be reminded that a lock being hard to break is literally the point of a lock.
VERDICT: 👑 THE DIVA IS RIGHT TO DEMAND RESPECT 👑
SCORE: 9.9/10 ATTITUDE SCORE: 10/10
FULL REVIEW >> BUY IT (IF U CAN AFFORD IT) [AFFILIATE]
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#08 THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY SURPRISED US
We're not going to name it yet. Full review coming.
What we will say: it is not expensive. Under $60. Available on Amazon. Looks completely ordinary. ANSI Grade 1. Anti-pick, anti-bump, anti-drill pins.
Our best picker spent 4 hours on it. He went through his entire set. He tried every technique he knows.
It opened eventually. It took 4 hours and 23 minutes on a lock that costs less than a dinner out.
What we will say: it is not expensive. Under $60. Available on Amazon. Looks completely ordinary. ANSI Grade 1. Anti-pick, anti-bump, anti-drill pins.
Our best picker spent 4 hours on it. He went through his entire set. He tried every technique he knows.
It opened eventually. It took 4 hours and 23 minutes on a lock that costs less than a dinner out.
He cried a little. Not from sadness. He said it was from respect. We are choosing to believe him.
VERDICT: 👀 FULL REVIEW COMING SOON 👀
SCORE: TBD HYPE LEVEL: MAXIMUM
Get the review first when it drops!!!
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You made it.
Your locks are probably still fine. Your vision should return to normal within a few minutes.
If the colors are still moving, that's the website. Probably.
For locks that won't break ur brain (just the burglars):
BEST DEADBOLTS 2026 >> TOP PICK SETS >> HOME SECURITY GUIDE >>
*** COME BACK SOON. THERE ARE MORE WEIRD LOCKS. THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE WEIRD LOCKS. ***
Your locks are probably still fine. Your vision should return to normal within a few minutes.
If the colors are still moving, that's the website. Probably.
For locks that won't break ur brain (just the burglars):
BEST DEADBOLTS 2026 >> TOP PICK SETS >> HOME SECURITY GUIDE >>
*** COME BACK SOON. THERE ARE MORE WEIRD LOCKS. THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE WEIRD LOCKS. ***